I’ve been realizing lately that I’ve become lonely. Lonelier than I’ve ever been in the past. It’s not really a place I ever thought I’d be. I’ve always had friends, lots of them. All through high school, college, and my mid-twenties I was always hanging out with friends and always had someone to talk to. But I’ve realized as I’ve gotten married and entered my late twenties, early thirties, and getting close to 34, I don’t have those friends anymore. I’ve become a mom who’s lonely.
I rarely get together with friends and hang out and have fun anymore. Heck, I’m not sure I really even have friends anymore. No one to talk to outside of my husband/family, no one to do life with, laugh with, cry with, no one who “get’s” it. And it’s a lonely place to be.
This has been a hard realization for me and it’s not easy to admit and write about. But I’m trying to be more vulnerable, more open. And if I’m feeling this way, I am sure there are other women feeling lonely, too. So if that’s you, if you’re a mom who’s lonely right now, know that you’re not alone.
How did I get here, to this place of loneliness?
That’s kind of hard to say. It crept up on me and I didn’t really realize it was happening until I was here. I was one of the last of my friends group to get married, and am one of the last to start a family (currently pregnant with my first). Many, if not most of my friends already have at least one kid. Most of them have multiple kids – 2, 3, or even 4 now. I think that as they got married and started their families while I was still single, it was hard to keep up the relationship and it got harder and harder to connect with them. They had other priorities, as well they should, and time to hang out with friends became scarce.
Then when I got married, I kind of felt like I was in this in-between stage, where a few of my friends were still single, and most of the others had kids. I kind of felt like I didn’t really belong anywhere, not really. It was kind of an awkward stage for me and made it hard to connect. Now that I’m finally starting a family of my own, I’m realizing that I don’t have any friends now, not really. And it’s a lonely place to be.
So what can we do about it, when we find ourselves in this lonely place?
Remind yourself that it’s a season. It’s not forever, at least it doesn’t have to be. We all go through seasons in life, and some are harder than others. I’d even guess that most people have had seasons in their life where they felt a similar loneliness. Just because we’re feeling lonely right now and don’t have friends to connect with, doesn’t mean it will always be this way. Seasons change. They come and go. This one will too.
Pick up the phone and call someone. Or text if that’s more your thing. I know that I didn’t get to this place solely because of other people, I had a part in it too. I could have picked up the phone and called or texted my girlfriends and tried harder to keep in touch. Now, I’m not saying it’s all my fault or letting myself feel guilty about it. It happens. It’s life; it is what it is. But instead of wallowing in self-pity, I can do something about it. I can call up a girlfriend and make a plan to get together.
Do something fun. Get out of the house and go do something fun. If you’re anything like me, you’re realizing that you haven’t really had fun lately. So go enjoy life again! We need to stop staying at home and feeling sorry for ourselves. There’s so much life that can be lived. When’s the last time you did something just for fun?
Get connected. If you’ve been at home with no friends and no one to talk to, start looking for somewhere to get connected. A mom’s group, a church small group, somewhere where you can connect with other women on a regular basis. I plan on joining a mom’s group that meets at a local church, as well as getting connected in a church small group with other couples with my husband. We can’t do life alone, at least not for very long. We were made to live in community, so get out there and find yours. Look online for local Facebook groups, networking groups, on church websites, etc. Ask around to see what kinds of things other women you know are involved in. I’m sure you can find something if you look hard enough.
Pray. Pray that God would bring someone into your life to be a friend. Maybe He can use you to bring friendship into someone else’s life who needs it. Maybe it’s an old friend, or maybe it’s a new one. It could be anyone. But you can always pray that He would connect you to the right person for this season of your life.
You’re not alone, girlfriend. And it gets better. I promise. We’re in this hard season together and we’ll get through it together. You’re not alone.